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6/23/12 (written on)

The twins have flown past the one month mark and are doing great.  Mom and dad are tired, but managing.  We are grateful for the help we have received.  The new developments since the last post are that both kids are suffering from some reflux issues.  They are on meds to help take some of the burn out of their throats.  It was a challenge to understand what was going on at first.  We noticed it in Emily before Evan.  Emily would eat and once she was finished she would spit up.  At first we didn't think much of it because babies spit up.  After she would spit up she would start fussing, crying, and rutting.  However, this only led to her eating for a short time and then spitting up again.  We would repeat this process for hours until we came across a website that described the symptoms of acid reflux.  We called the doctor and got a Rx on Tuesday night and by Wednesday evening she was doing better. She still spits up (all babies spit up) but now she just falls back asleep.

It was not until our one month check up yesterday that we learned Evan had reflux as well.  We were telling the doc that we thought Evan was stuffed up.  The doctor explained that babies this young don't have sinus like adults and don't get stuffed up in the manner we were describing.  She asked a few more questions and then we were off with the same Rx for him as well.  We are waiting to see if the meds work as well for him as it did for Em.

At the check up Ev weighed in at 6 lb 12 oz and Emily was 6 lbs 1 oz.  Emily was 20 inches, beating out her brother by 1/2 an inch.  The doctor is pleased to see that both kids are still putting on more than an ounce a day.  Our next appointment is for their two month check up and first round of shots (pretty sure I have to work that day and can't make the appointment).

Here are some updated photos (it may be a short time before we get more pictures up after today because our camera decided to poop out on us)

Growing Pains

The twins have almost been outside the womb for a month. This Wednesday is their grand entrance 1 month anniversary. What a month it has been! So far, Ryan has been updating all of you (and doing an amazing job at that). Tonight I join in!

It has been a surreal month. Everyone tells you that your life and everything you know about it changes instantly, but you cannot really understand that until it happens. I thought I knew, I thought I would take it all in stride, I thought I could handle just about anything that was thrown at me with ease. Ha! I was WRONG. From the moment I realized that "labor" had begun for real, I grew calm, but did not feel totally in control. I did know that God was in control and would carry me through whatever was to happen that morning, but I can only describe the experience of intense physical pain and desire to push as an out-of-body experience. The adrenaline that pulses through your veins takes over and you do what is instinctually in your power.

There were several moments that morning that stick out for me. The moment I realized Ryan needed to go get the car and we didn't need to take our time getting to the hospital. The moment my water broke. The moment when it was verified that meconium was present in the water and the babies would be coming out soon. The moment in the OR when I was told to hold still (through several contractions with an indescribable desire to push or scream) while they inserted a needle into my spine. The moment when Ryan looked at me and said Emily had been born. The moment when the doctor held Evan up over the drape for literally a second and then he was gone. The moment when both babies were held next to me. Then the moment of holding each of them for the first time in the NICU. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized I had been through a lot!

The next days and weeks were the same and still are to a degree. I am not as calm as while in labor, but I still have moments of calm and I do not feel in control at all! While the twins were in the NICU, we had a schedule. When they came home, I tried to maintain that schedule, but found myself stressed and unhappy trying to do something I could not and that the twins did not naturally follow. For those who know me well, the schedule was and still is hard to let go. I like being in control and with these little ones, I am not. (It is in these moments that I am being taught new, yet familiar lessons by God.) He is showing me so much already about letting go and giving myself and my children - who really belong to Him anyway - over to His desires and ways.

The past month has been painful physically in more ways than one, but that too is passing and changing for the better. I am blessed to have a husband that is willing to do whatever we need to care for these children and myself. I almost gave up trying to breastfeed, but with support from him, my family, friends, and professionals, we are trying to figure it out. It has gotten better, and I know it will be enjoyable at some point. That is how God designed it! I just need to trust my body and my kids growing bodies and know that we can figure it out together.

I look at my children and see two distinct people, one who looks like me and one who looks like Ryan and I am amazed. We created these two lives; with the help of God and Dr. Miller, of course! These lives that God will use to change Ryan and I and many other people too. I pray that I can be a mother who listens, cares, and really knows my children. A mother that loves her children like Christ.

Currently we are feeding around the clock and having a lot of spit up. We go back to the doctor on Friday and I am going to ask about reflux. I am not sure, but I am worried that Emily especially might have reflux. Please pray for both of them and their little tummies.

On a happier note, the twins met their Aunt Melissa, Uncle David and cousin Elliott! My brother and SIL are visiting from Louisville with Elliott! It was really great to see them and have more hands to pass babies too. I am amazed how big Mr. E has gotten since March! He is standing and trying to walk already and when you put him next to the twins, he looks HUGE! I am looking forward to hanging out with them this week. I took some pictures, but will upload them later...it's late.

I will leave you with the twins newborn pictures however. We had a great photographer come to our home and take some pictures for us. Below you will find the work of Jessica Weinstock! Enjoy!

In the weeds

6/15/12

Well, the length of time since the last post should give some indication of how the week went.  We have been dealing with a sick dog and two kids that won't stop eating.  As I try to shake the fog of little sleep off each morning I can't help but think 'I signed up for this.'  I know it could be worse and we could be without all help we have been receiving.  However, the non-stop schedule is taking its toll on all of us.  I, for one, was jealous of a homeless man this week.  I have not lived in the city long enough to walk past people on the street unnoticed (and I hope I never get to that point) and my heart usually aches for them.  One morning this week I was on the bus and I noticed a homeless guy sleeping in a park as we rolled by and I caught myself wishing I could switch places.  Of course, reality set in and I ached for that man, but for one brief moment I was willing to sleep in the park for nights on end if it meant sleep.

I haven't had to clean up after the dog in several days and she doesn't need to go out several times a night any longer so we are back to our 5 or 6 hours of sleep on a good night and plugging away.

Enough whining, b/c I wouldn't trade these little growing weeds for anything (even sleep in a park).  Time for pictures.

Tummy Time

There is no way you are making me lay on my tummy!

I got 'em, you guys go take a nap you look tired.

Pretty common, Emily is awake and Evan is asleep

'Is it time to eat?'

'No, then why am I awake?'

Throw your hands in the air and way 'em around like you just don't care

The twins meeting one of many of their prayer warriors. Thanks Ms. Mary!

Evidence they are growing. This was big on him two weeks ago.

It won't be like this for long

6/9/12

The grind continues. Sleep is short, feedings are often, and fuses are short at times. When my fuse is short I pray the Lord reminds me it won't be like this for long. It is a nice reminder. Not only will the lack of sleep fade, but whatever joy and excitement is to be had at this time in their lives can only be had once. The day is coming when I tell Emily she can't go to that party or Evan that he isn't allowed to use the car and doors will slam. It won't be like this for long.

To that end, let me tell you about the enjoyments of the past couple of days. Both chunkers are over 5 lbs! Evan was 5 lb 6 oz (up 10 oz in a week) at yesterdays weigh in and Emily was 5 lb 1/2 oz (up 8 oz in a week). The doctor was happy with what she was seeing and must have seen the 1000 yard stares in our eyes. She even offered up great encouragement to the tired parents. It was only the second time the kids have ventured out on the mean streets of Chicago and this trip was much smoother than the first. Jacqueline had bottles on the ready in case they were needed. A great plan because they were needed and we weren't serenaded by starving children on the way home.

The big adventure today was a trip out and about just to get out of the house. We loaded the kids up in the semi-truck (their double snap'n go stroller) and went on a three block walk. We even took the dog along. Today was the first time the whole family hit the streets together. Let me tell you the fine folks on the northside were not ready. We had 130+ lbs of dog leading the charge and 10 and 1/2 pounds of babies in her wake. Maggie would charge ahead and then turn and wait for the stroller to catch up. She would give a quick sniff to make sure all occupants were accounted for and she would be off.  She would repeat this process every 50 feet or so and seemed to be enjoying the family walk.

It is off to bed now....

Let me know when they are ready

Let's Go!

And we're off

First full family shot.

Enjoying the breeze...it is the windy city after all

Too hot, save yourself get to the choppa'

Long walks make me tired

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5zCaRaJ-kE

Laughter is the best medicine

6/7/12

Today was a busy day for me.  I was at work for a little over ten hours and ran a few errands after work.  Once home I had to take the dog out a couple times.  All told I got to hold a crying Evan for about ten minutes.  This process makes for a tired dad and mom is getting less sleep than me.  I am not sure how she keeps moving.

Two tired parents and two kids that want to eat their arm off if you don't feed them every two hours makes for some tense moments in the household.  So far we have been blessed with the gift of laughter in these situations and I, for one, pray it continues.  A case in point was this evening.  Emily had spit up on her 45th outfit of the day and needed a change.  Jacqueline asked me to get a long-sleeved onesie for her.  Being an amazing father and husband I knew right where these were kept and grabbed one.  Wait, that isn't how it went at all. I began looking in a drawer I knew had onesies in it, but all of them were short-sleeved.  Jacqueline looked up at me, still holding a messy Emily, and asked what I was doing.  When I told her I was looking for the onesie, she informed I was messing up the system because the ones I was looking through had been separated by size.  The conversation that followed was:

J - "If  you don't know where the long-sleeved ones are just ask"

Me - (deep breath) "Where are the long-sleeved onesies?"

J - "I don't know"

Me- (deep breath and now I have an option - get so mad I want to spit or laughed until I cried) LAUGH

J - (wiping tears from her eyes she laughing so hard)

For the life of me I can't imagine a better solution to that exchange.  The onesie was found, a change was made, and now they sleep (for a little while) so I am off to bed.

Meeting the great-grandparents!

Bath time

All clean (check out the towel)

She is trying to decide if she likes this bath thing or not

Clean and Dry

Milking it for all it's worth

6/5/12

The lack of a schedule is better established now.  The kids don't seem to understand their parents need for order and a system.  However, mom and dad are adjusting well.  Determining a schedule for them would be much easier if they were bottle fed all the time, but they are getting much better with their eating.  Sometimes they will go three and half or four hours between feeds and other times they are screaming for more after an hour and half.  We are told this is normal for breastfed babies.

Jacqueline is doing amazingly well just making sure she can keep moving.  She sleeps when she can, eats when she can, and makes sure the two parasites (said with the beaming joy and excitement of a proud husband and father) get all the nourishments they are willing to take.  Soon enough they will be sleeping longer, mommy and daddy will not be so exhausted, and more happiness will accompany the joy of parenthood.

The other amazing thing I noticed, just today, is that Evan has developed some cheeks.  Small as they may be, they have arrived.  He is getting bigger and you now don't need a scale to notice.  Emily is noticeably longer too.  She is wearing a newborn size sleeper right now.  She is swimming in it, but the length is closer to a fit than the premie size she has been wearing.

Good night.

Milk coma

Taken by the pro

You need to know the 'back' story on this one

Not another drop would fit

Water breaks the levee

6/3/12

Yesterday was a busy day.  Emily and Evan got to see almost every single grandparent again (they missed you papa).  They also became models yesterday and they both can turn left (or they just had their newborns pictures done.)

There was only one accident while the newborn pics were being taken.  It happened on the photographers blanket and the picture turned out great.  Way to go Emily! A few pictures from that shoot may be up in a week or two, so stay tuned.

The other milestone from last night was sleep. It was not the quantity of sleep that matter, because there wasn't much to be had, but the timing.  It was the first time that Jacqueline and I slept while the twins were asleep without someone else being responsible for them.  Until last night I had only slept when I knew someone else was watching them.  I was able to get about an hour of sleep on four occasions last night while being 'on duty' with one or the other.  Jacqueline also got a little bit of sleep with the kids in the room with her.  I don't think anything changed other than exhaustion finally broke the levee of fear.  Here is hoping we turned the corner.

Our nanny standing guard

Time with the grandparents.

I love my mommy too.

It's hard work being this cute

Ryan's baby pic for comparison (and mocking)

Jacqueline's baby pic for comparison

Colors of the Rainbow

6/1/12

We had our first doctor's visit since the kids have come home.  All looks good! Heart and lungs sounded good to the doc, their stomachs felt normal, and she was happy to hear we have been busy changing diapers.  As new parents we are concerned or have questions about almost everything.  One of the first questions we had was about the ever changing colors of their poo.  She told us that every color but red should be considered normal at this point.  She explained to us about their tiny bowels and how stuff will change color the longer its in there.  She went on to say that the multi-vitamin they are on will also effect the color.  It was more than I thought I would ever know about baby poop so I thought I would share some with you.

The best news of the trip was they both have grown! Emily was 18 1/4 inches long (up from 17" 12 days ago) and weighed in at 4 lb 8.5 oz, 2.5 oz over her birth weight.  Evan came in at 18 1/2 inches long (was 17 3/4 at birth) and weighted 4 lb 12 oz, 2 oz over his birth weight.  The doctor said most babies take two weeks to get back to birth weight, so she was pleased with the progress they have made.  It was also great for dad to know they have grown since coming home...it means I am not a complete failure at feeding or mom can make up for my spilling more on them than in them when she feeds them.  When they came home they weighted 4 lb 4 oz and 4 lb 7 oz.

Here are a few pictures from the last few days.

Protecting the face.

Sound asleep

Dreaming about eating

Seems so peaceful, but don't be fooled...he let you know when it's time to eat

Her mom sleeps on her side just like that.

Why are we awake...it isn't time to eat!